Category Archives: Commentary

Does Race Matter? It Does (Unfortunately)

It really shouldn’t though.

More often than it should be, I have gents asking me what went wrong in their dating pursuits. They walk me through their processes and approaches, their “lines”, their outfits, and what have you. Of course, anyone can embellish a story to make it seem like they did no wrong, so with a few of them, I actually follow them “into the wild” if you will. What I see is immensely disappointing, but not surprising. There are many women out there who still treat men differently based on their skin color.

I touched on this in my book, and I’ll expand upon it further. There are forces in various mediums (especially media, music, and finance) who pull strings all the time to make certain races get looked at different lights. Minorities get painted in negative styles in music, movies, tv shows, and various other forms of media. Though there have been significant strides on shifting the perception, a lot of those efforts get drowned out by even more stereotypical appearances. There are people out there who are smart to see through the smokescreen, but unfortunately, there are a lot more people who happen to be susceptible to the nonsense. To take things further, there are young minority men who see these images and, wanting to so desperately belong to something bigger than them, embrace these images unto their own identity. There are a lot of women who will hold a strong resistance towards minority men in terms of actually accepting inquiries from them, a lot more stricter than from their Caucasian counterparts. This can be from what they see in the media, and even from what their parents instill in them from early age. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a favorite or form of preference in terms of attraction, but when one rules out people entirely due to skin color, you are in fact painting them as inferior, and thus instituting a form of racism.

Now, I can go on and on about this topic, but I would like to save that for another time and focus more on the observation and short-form solution. I want all men to succeed, so by these words, I’m not against any race whatsoever, and I just want there to be even footing on all accounts. For men of minority descent, I would implore you to be more attentive of the perception the media is trying to cast upon us, and go against it! For those that aren’t educated, go out and get educated! Better yourselves and your fellow man. For those that are educated, continue to pursue knowledge and strength. Help those around you and bring each other up. Take a stand and show people that you aren’t these “thuggish, violent beasts” society wants you to be known as. You as men, bring a lot more to the game than our female counterparts, ¬†and to be dismissed for your skin color, is not something you should entertain. Take control of your representation and watch the world react in amazement!

Miscommunication Between The Sexes

One of the main reasons I wrote my first project “They Don’t Want You To Win” was because there’s a terrible lack of understanding between men and women. One feels they’re owed everything and another feels they don’t have to work much. These qualities are interchangeable amongst the sexes and you have both sides trying to give their form of “advice”, which happens to make things worse. You have unqualified people trying to qualify your life and tell you what worked for them in hopes it works for you. It seems these days they don’t even care what happens to the people listening to the advice in the first place and just want to line pockets.

Men are often told to do things the way women will instruct them to, but women themselves won’t even adhere to the standards they set. Men are often told to be aggressive in their pursuits, and that “it’s a number game” and that they should do what they want, regardless of the consequences. Oddly enough, besides idiot guys telling men to do it, it’s starting to come from women as well. Sabotage!

I don’t aim to steer anyone to confusion. I won’t, for that matter.

The best way to clear the confusion between the sexes would be to stop letting your actions be guided by what the other sex thinks they would want. If you want to buy her flowers, do so because she actually said she loves them, not because you saw it in a movie. If you want to run her feet, do so because she actually asked for it, or better yet, she offered to rub yours. Ladies, if you’re not interested or if you are interested in someone, let them know. Don’t doddle or hold someone’s admiration captive. People will resent you for it. Same thing for men as well. There are genuine women out there who have been hurt by a man who wasn’t forthright.

Everyone should state clear intentions from the get-go. If you getting intimate, talk about what boundaries/expectations are and live up to them. With honesty and knowing what’s what, there is no questions, no mysteries, and more importantly, no headaches.

What The Youth Can Learn From The Not-So-Youthful

Something that I’ve learned over the years is that a lot of women become more free-spirited when they’re older. There is a new vigor of directness and lessened room for being coy or playing emotional games. Younger women yearn for this freedom, but insist on keeping to what the “traditional” perception of what society says they should interact as. A lot of this comes from the fact that for most (if not all humanity), the physical appearance will surely weaken and wither over time, leaving them to become more resourceful in other forms of their lives; which can range from being more witty, to being more financially secure, or even going through great strides to tone their bodies. A lot of these attributes, men have to already go through to attract women, even much more. It shouldn’t be about appearances only in any form of relationship, but unfortunately, society has placed this mindset on a lot of impressionable youth and people unfortunately realize this later instead of sooner. It would be doing yourself a great service to talk to someone your age, then go and talk to an older woman, followed by going back and talking to someone in your age range again. The difference in style of conversation is uncanny!

“Eff Your Beauty Standards”

This ‘movement’, if you will, started from a plus-sized model named Tess Ryann, known as professionally as Tess Munster. It started as a means of loving one’s self as is and that beauty shouldn’t be defined by size or shape. This is a beautiful message and a genuine psychology that all should hold, and I would never talk down on it.

However, whether it was on her part or the fans themselves, the campaign took a turn and instead of the mantra that it heralded, it became a battle-cry for those who simply wanted to go “fuck it” in all aspects of life. The funny thing about it is this: if men were the ones who truly created or set these standards, how is it that men don’t enjoy the spoils of these standards? Why is it that men suffer the most in the realm of dating? Men can’t go “fuck it” and drop all regards and expect to be even remotely fruitful, so who are we claiming set these standards that this campaign is eff-ing? An average-looking woman can walk around Downtown in a Snuggie and bootleg Jordans and still get approached by suitors, but an average-looking male damn sure can’t, so how can we possibly try to imply that men are setting these standards when men themselves can’t even live by them?

We can only reach the conclusion that it’s mostly women setting these standards themselves, so if women are causing it, then the discussion doesn’t need to be using it as a ploy against men (because let’s face it, it’s silently aimed at men), but instead, it needs to open up the discussion of how we can communicate and express ourselves better. A discussion that needs to highlight the uneven nature of human communication between the sexes, and how we can rectify it.

“And Then, The Lights Turned On”

There you are. You’re hanging out in the bar and you’ve been seeing a multitude of different women dancing and drinking the night away. You could have been great with these women and you could have bombed with others. All that you see is that in this area, it’s a sea of people in this music-filled, liquor-laden party…..

*record scratches*

Lights go on, music stops, and this sea of people has turned into a small room of confused individuals, who went from 8-10 in the dark to 5-6 in the light.

 

Now, I’m going to say people are ugly or something like that, but outside of this trick-box called a club, I’ve seen more than a few of these people in many different daytime surroundings: some at work, some on the train, library, etc, and they’re almost always meek and shy. It’s something about the feel of a dark sardine can, filled with top 40 and EDM tracks that gets them acting brand new. So ask yourself: why would you treat someone or put them on a pedestal in the nightscene, when the characters don’t match up in real life? The answer is – you don’t. Treat everyone with respect, but don’t go off making every single woman you see your Queen of the Night and not respecting yourself in the process.

Dating Is Hard? Survey Says: Not So Much

 

When I wrote this book, one of the most common ideologies about dating was that it’s hard. Too hard even. A friend of mine who contributed a great deal to this book mentioned today that she was inundated with that very sentiment all throughout the afternoon. I honestly used to feel the same way, but then I realized that it’s because I was working HARDER, instead of SMARTER. One of the things that has to be understood from the get-go is that there will almost always be more men than women when it comes to the dating pool. Due to this, women will be more picky and selective with who they engage themselves with. Sometimes, the reasons are plausible (safety, health, security), and sometimes, they are for BS reasons altogether like vanity or pride.

Instead of working harder, instead, work smarter and master your environment. Master your pursuit, or else, you will simply end up another casualty! In the book, you’ll learn how to make your pursuit work for you, instead of working towards the pursuit. Dating can be difficult for a lot of people, but pick up “They Don’t Want You To Win (But I Do)” today and learn how to become the exception to the rule!

Pick Up vs. Actual Understanding

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The PUA scene (Pick Up Artist) has always been a fascinating one to watch. While I don’t discredit it at all, I try to instill in the people I talk to that pick-up lines aren’t always the route to go by. More and more women become curious as to what the male populace thinks of them, and so they go and read the materials that are tailored to men. What I teach isn’t the notion of PUA, but instead understanding how women think, so that you excel with them REGARDLESS of what you say (hopefully, you aren’t talking horseshit). No matter how smooth the line, if you aren’t a guy that the woman is interested in, it won’t work for you. If you are a guy that understands her, she will be drawn to you much more.

Hey Mami!

I’m not sure if you all have seen this by now, but there was a video created for a non-profit ironically called ‘HollaBack!’, starring a Ms.¬†Shoshana B. Roberts. The premise of said video is that Ms. Roberts walked through the streets of New York City for nearly 10 hours and was said to be harassed nearly the entire time. Upon watching this video, while there were some forms of harassment being displayed (crudeness, brash behavior, even stalking), not all of the video comprised of this. Instead, you can see that genuine and simple compliments were being directed towards her, despite her completely ignoring them. While the model was intentionally quiet and steadfast in not acknowledging them for the purpose of this project, this occurrence happens all of the time in multiple parts of the world. This video displays great examples of being “scored on” and why you should avoid getting scored on at all times. As discussed in my book, “They Don’t Want You To Win (But I Do) (available HERE), I talk to you about the importance of your Value of Interest level (VOI) and how being scored on is when someone increases their VOI at someone else’s expense. The men who were saying things like “how are you?” or “have a great day!”, but got ignored, I feel sorry for, because they didn’t know they were being filmed. They genuinely complimented her in a respectful manner. Would I get up in arms when there are women who say “Good afternoon, handsome” on a busy street? No, I don’t mind it, provided they aren’t creepy or awkward about it. I take it as an acknowledgment that I’m taking great care of my mind, body, and spirit and the Universe lets me know of my job well done.

On the flipside, in regards to the men who were actually creepy in nature, these are the kinds you want to avoid emulating. These are the guys who are frivolously reducing their VOI in reckless manners. The “see what happens” mentality that I discuss in the book that is poisonous to your progress. If not careful and in a public scene, these guys become the “Careless Grenades”. I want you to learn from this video and resolve on better approaches, looking for leads, and proper execution. Be a commodity, not a casualty!